Hopefully, I'll have time to write more later but I have a couple of quick thoughts now having just read it.

I wrote on my blog last weekend how much I am dreading this anniversary and the attention it will receive, yet it will be impossible to ignore it all. Part of my wanting to ignore it is, I think, a function of my 'ignore it and it will go away' type personality. Almost 8 years after my father's death, I don't think I'm much closer to coming to terms with it than I was that first year.

Sitting here and reading this diary this morning, I found myself...much like the morning of 9/12/01...sitting in front of my computer and sobbing.

That morning, 9/12, I'd been initially relieved to find out that my office was closed for the day and I didn't have to go to work. Lord knows, I didn't want to be at work that day! But then I sat at this same desk, although in front of a different computer, to check my email and it hit me like an unexpected ton of bricks. I didn't want to not go to work either. "What am I going to do now?" I thought desperately, "Now that I don't have work to go to?" There was really nowhere I wanted to be. There was nothing I could think of to do. It was like I was emotionally paralyzed. It was the emptiest feeling, like when I'd found a University classmate of mine had died in an awful and tragic accident years before or when my dad died. And I just started to sob. I think it was the first I'd cried since the attacks.

Crying, which is something I DETEST doing in public but often succumb to in private, is a really cleansing experience. After crying, especially sobbing, I think one feels drained but cleansed.

Much as I dread this anniversary and all of the remembrances that will go with it, I know that little by little, I will confront my feelings about that day....even if it takes years and years....This morning, reading your blog, was one of those little by littles. So, again, thank you.

Oh, and by the way, this day would have been my father's 77th birthday, had he still been living.

"The mark of leadership is not to standup when everybody is standing, but rather to actually stand up when no one else is standing" - Pulitzer Prize winning author Samantha Power, introducing Gen Clark

Three guiding principles that start each day of my life. This contribution by the "Faith in Action" underscores my morning meditation. And thank you Carol for sharing your thoughts.

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.--J. V. Marley 

The impact of the loss of a cherished family member and things like 9/11 is never forgotten. It's always in your heart. But over time a wall is built around it. It isn't a solid wall. There are gates in the wall, and you can open the gate and revisit the feelings you had at the time. It is often worthwhile to do that.

Stan Davis
Lakewood, CO
BE THE CHANGE you wish to see in the world.
If not us, WHO? If not now, WHEN?

to go door to door for the DNC 100 day GOTV tomorrow evening.

from Reickhoff's book Chasing Ghosts on his experience in New York that morning. I was just doing my morning reading and this was ironically where I was in his book so I thought I'd share it with those who haven't yet read it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Memories of 9/11 haunted me daily.

I had always complained that mine was a generation without a cause. Not anymore.

I bounded the stairs in threes to the roof of our building On East 24th Street. As I slammed the rooftop door, the first thing I saw was the cloudless soft blue sky. It was a gorgeous day-- a perfect day. The next thing I saw was the smoke smudging the sky's flawless color. I heard the cacophony of sirens and people yelling from Third Avenue below. I ran to the street from the roof and over to Broadway, where I could get a clear look at the towers.

Breathless and focused, I stood among a crowd of stunned New Yorkers with mouths frozen open, eyes wide. They were hypnotized. It reminded me of the scenes in Godzilla when everyone in Tokyo frantically jumped out of their cars, dropping briefcases, filled the streets and stopped everything to collectively freeze and look back-- before running like hell as Godzilla crashed through the city.

Then the second plane hit. We were in awe. Petrified but unmoved. No one ran. No one panicked. They just stared and cried.

Game time. Back in my apartment a few minutes later, I pulled a crumpled BDU set from a duffel bag on my floor and moved quickly. Training kicked in as I assembled my web gear in fast-forward. I called my dad and told him I was going and ran out the door into the smoke and sirens. I got downtown sometime after the second tower fell.

In all my days of military training, I never imagined I'd be called on to serve in my own city. Grotesque scenes were everywhere. So was the heroism. Very little small talk. Just cooperative commands, grunts, and labored breathing. And the sounds of people trying to choke back rage, sorrow and awe. Looking across the vast wreckage, I remembered the first time I took in the magnitude of the Grand Canyon as a child. Pictures just didn't do it justice. Sirens roared so constantly that I stopped hearing them....

...just finished airing on pbs, I inadvertently tripped over and was spellbound by it...what a blessing on this 5th anniversary weekend. Catch it if it's up on your local pbs station.

...and do check out the artistic circles website

Talking across boundaries..."Ties that Bind", the 2005 Emmy award winning documentary:
conversations of 7 Chicago area women of Jewish, Christian and Muslim Faith

http://www.artisticcircles.org/index.html

And KUDOS, Faith in Action series team!

...fascist is, as fascist does, mr. preznit

Thanks for including that candlelight vigil picture. It reminds me of a revelatory moment I experienced on the steps of St. Patrick's Cathedral on the Friday evening after the attack.

In the immediate aftermath of the attacks I wanted the people responsible for them dead. Heck, I wanted to kill them myself. Then I wanted my government to make sure that more 'bad guys' couldn't get in to hurt us. One of the immediately shocking things to me about the whole thing was the fact that these guys had lived among us for a time before perpetrating the attacks. Suddenly everyone was suspect. How did I know the guy from Afghanistan who sold fruit from a cart down the block from my office wasn't "one of them"? I just wanted to be safe. I wanted all of the possible suspects rounded up and kept from doing harm, whatever....I wanted borders closed, immigrants kept out, whatever it took. No measure would be too drastic if we could just ensure out safety.

Then, that Friday night, the night of the candlelight vigils, I happened to be walking past St. Patrick's as dusk fell. A group was gathering on the steps, singing hymns, candles lit. Someone handed me a candle and I joined them, all strangers to me...They were all sizes and shapes, all ages and races, some born here, some not. The was a bit of a breeze and my candle went out. A kind stranger (but we really weren't strangers on that night in that place) relit it for me from his candle.

And suddenly I was surprised to find that I didn't want borders sealed off, etc etc. I didn't want my country changed. Being safe wasn't worth losing what was so special about this country and my city. I wanted the world to continue to come to my city. I don't get a chance to visit the world so I need it to come visit me...It was like something physically fell away. I knew we were fighting for more than our safety and that was important.

Oh, and the Afghani fruit seller is still my buddy....He has great fruit too. :)

Thanks for the suggestions on what we can do to constructively commemorate this anniversary.

I share your disappointment in the chance we passed up as a nation to do something to make this world a better place.

I went through a kind of bad time for a little bit after 9/11. There was a time there when I really didn’t think there was any point in going on. It wasn’t like I contemplated suicide or anything. Nothing drastic like that. I just felt like what was the use because nothing would ever be good again.

And then, one day, talking to one of my sisters about the whole thing, we decided that maybe something good could come of it after all. Maybe this would wake up Americans to what was going on in the rest of the world. Maybe this would force us to tkae a look at what was happening outside of our borders and try to right some wrongs and make things better for some people so we’d all be safer....I was even stupid enough to belief that the Bush Administration could actually go that route....In retrospect I can’t believe I actually thought that...But, you know, I had to. I had to believe that. It’s just so sad that not only have we not done anything to make things better but we’ve actually made things worse.

Hey, here's another way ordinary citizens can "do good"....

Anybody here ever look into being a citizen diplomat?

http://www.citizen-diplomacy.org/citizen_diplomacy.html

I heard this discussed on the radio one time...Sounded interesting.

Here's the press release Catholics in Alliance for the Common Good put out...

Catholic Leaders Question Morality and Practicality of U.S. Response to Terror

Mark September 11th anniversary with a call for global efforts toward lasting peace

Washington, DC - As our nation mourns the five-year anniversary of the September 11th attacks, Catholic theologians and social justice leaders are calling into question the justness and effectiveness of present U.S. foreign policy. In particular, they question the efficacy of military policy in Iraq and Afghanistan to achieve lasting peace. Recent admissions by President Bush that the CIA has been subjecting detainees to "irregular interrogation methods" in secret military detention facilities only serve to raise deeper questions about whether our response to terror succeeds in promoting life and human dignity around the world.

“To wage a just war means to use force in a way that can bring about a genuine peace in a just and humanitarian manner,” said Father David Hollenbach, S.J., professor of Moral Theology at Boston College. “However, waging a just war is not just a requirement of religion—it’s also based on a strategic recognition that excessive civilian casualties, abuse of prisoners, and unwillingness to work with the international community impede the ultimate goal of a just and peaceful resolution.”

Catholic Social Teaching stresses the interconnectedness of human communities, and places heavy emphasis on core Christian values of social justice and the common good. It also condemns all affronts to the life and dignity of the human person, including terrorism, torture, and unjust war.

“The irony of U.S. foreign policy in the wake of September 11, 2001 is that it has done little to make Americans safer,” observed Father Fred Thelen, pastor of Cristo Rey Church in Lansing, Michigan. “Only when we realize that it is in our nation’s best interest to work in cooperation with the international community will we begin to achieve true peace and security.”

Both Father David Hollenbach and Father Fred Thelen are available to share their own experiences, and to offer an authentic Catholic perspective on war and peace in the post-September 11 world.
........

David Hollenbach, SJ
Director, Center for Human Rights and International Justice
Margaret O'Brien Flatley Professor of Theology, Boston College

Fr. Hollenbach teaches Theological Ethics and Christian Social Ethics, with research focus in the areas of the common good, human rights, theory of justice and war, the role of the religion in social and political life, and humanitarian crises and forced migration. He is the author of several books, including The Global Face of Public Faith: Politics, Human Rights, and Christian Ethics, and The Common Good and Christian Ethics.
Fr. Hollenbach assisted the U.S. Catholic Bishops in drafting their 1986 letter Economic Justice for All: Catholic Social Teaching and the U.S. Economy, and in 1998 received the John Courtney Murray Award for distinguished achievement in Theology from the Catholic Theological Society of America.
.........

Fr. Fred L. Thelen
Pastor, Cristo Rey Church, Lansing, MI
Chairperson, Pax Christi Michigan

Fr. Thelen was ordained in 1980 and early in his clerical career helped to establish the Office of Peace and Justice Ministry for the Diocese of Lansing, MI. From 1988 to 1993 he served as an Associate Maryknoll Missionary in Peru.
Fr. Thelen was the co-founder in 2002 of the Greater Lansing Network Against War and Injustice. For the past 13 years, he has been the pastor of Cristo Rey Catholic Church, a predominantly Hispanic parish in Lansing.